what is our identity now we are Dads?
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A big Happy Mothers Day to all of you.
As a Dad's Group we are pro-women and pro-mums in everything we do - so its a happy day for us.
That's not to brush under the carpet the pain felt by many Dads who are separated from their children often through unjust decisions by women or the courts -any Dad in these situations who we meet at our events is so welcome and he has our solidarity and a listening ear. What we will avoid is the easy generalisations or sexism which can come out along the way. Mothers and women can behave badly but so can we all when under stress.
All of us have a mother in our lives or if we haven't will seek out mothering figure. So today we also thank those women who have inspired us along the way, grandmothers, step mums, aunties, family friends, foster mums too...… they make us better men, the best versions of ourselves.
For a little nostalgia, a giggle and definitely NOT a guide on how to relate to our mothers, see below....Remember Sitcom 'Sorry' with the brilliant Ronnie Corbett...? People of a certain age will remember it. Happy Mothers Day all!
Everything from our grandparents advice to the very modern trend for uplifting quotes and memes online tell us that we should 'count our blessings' or 'think positive'. Right, i'll do that. Yes very good, timeless advice. Im up for this.
That's before the first dawn raiders pipe up at 5am with Daddy I need a wee. The reality sets in early in the morning and the good intentions fade. Or when the car keys go missing, the rude people in the traffic jam, the misery on the faces of the people on the train. Joy is fragile and easily broken by our environments.
Someone once said that modern life seems designed to suck the joy out of things. To set us up for a cycle of desire, high expectations, low returns. Conditioned to be unhappy with what we don't have and uneasy with what we have- a sort of marketplace of misery. Ok a bit dark maybe. But theres another way and its under our noses!
My daughter is almost two and its so striking that none of this world of worry has rubbed off on her yet. She still sees something quirky or new and giggles out loud, its pure joy at looking around this amazing world. A bird, a hug, a flower. It truly is the original innocence which maybe we drift back to ourselves only in our dreams nowadays. Isnt that a missed opportunity? The other day when I was about to consider her as 'cheeky' or 'hard work' I suddenly stopped myself and asked the harder question about my own weary joy-deficit!
Now its absolutely not about saying to the sad or lonely to 'man up' or 'smile it could be worse'. In fact one of the reasons I launched Identity Dads is to provide a space to have a proper honest & compassionate chat about Dads mental health and wellbeing, so the 'man-up' phrase is totally banned.
Have a great day, friends
ps... I have also spent time in the developing world where this joy conundrum is turned on its head and inspired by people who live for a week on what I spent this morning on a coffee & a cake